Pirates need Jesus too

I have tons (well, 65.8 hours) of worship music on my computer, about 90% of which is pirated.  Seriously, I have maybe seven or eight CD’s that are legitimately purchased copied down, and the rest is pirated, either from CD’s that other people let me copy, or from Limewire.

Does this make me a bad person?  For those that are truly creating music for the Glory of God, wouldn’t they want that to reach as many people as possible?  Didn’t Jesus turn over the money changers table for basically the same thing?  Would the true worship leaders really mind my having their music for no monetary cost?  Or is this a case of muzzling the ox while he’s treading the corn?  A lot of the stuff I like isn’t carried at the music stores around here (but I suppose you can buy just about anything from Amazon).

That is my current dilemma.  Thoughts anyone?

a brief point on Trinity vs Oneness…

For those of you that know me, you know that I am marrying the most amazing woman this upcoming Saturday.  For those of you with whom I discuss our Faith, you also know that I am a Trinitarian Pentecostal, while my wife is a Oneness Pentecostal.  And for those of you who understand the difference, a painfully obvious question arises: how can you both walk in unison?

Through much prayer and meditation and study, I have come to the following conclusion: the doctrine of the Trinity is not explicitly taught in the Scriptures, any more than the doctrine of Oneness.  Yet I am an unashamed subscriber to the doctrine of the Trinity.

This is not to say that I believe the doctrine of the Trinity is unbiblical.  Rather, the Trinity doctrine is a framework, based on Scripture, which allows us to logically make sense of what the Scriptures reveal to us regarding the nature of our God.  And while this might cause some contention with those who consider themselves Apostolic in their doctrine, I feel that the doctrine of the Trinity is a far better framework for understanding God than the Apostolic doctrine.

With that said, I also feel that any human explanation of who God truly is will without fail fall short of the greatness of His Glory.  “We see through a glass darkly.”  I am most certainly willing to be corrected by Scripture should I be incorrect or misled in any aspect of my faith or my walk, and I pray that God would help me to do so.  I can agree with Origen, one of the early church fathers, and one of the early theologians that helped develop the doctrine of the Trinity, when he said in Book II, Chapter 6 of On First Principles:

These are the ideas that were able to make their way into our minds as we took up these very difficult questions about the incarnation and the deity of Christ.  If someone comes up with better ideas and can confirm what he says with plainer assertions from the Holy Scriptures, let them be accepted instead of what we have written.

Even so, to anyone who puts their trust in Christ alone for their salvation, to anyone who from their heart calls Christ Lord, to anyone who believes that God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, and that Jesus Christ is indeed God in the flesh: you are my brother or sister.  I will not let some high-minded, self-righteous philosophy on either side of the debate separate me from the Family of God.  “What God has called clean, let no man call unclean.”

If I understand all mysteries but have not love, it is worth nothing.

And to my wife Cheri: I thank God for you, and may God use us and shine through us as an example to those who, willingly or unwillingly, have come to love contention.

“Father, may they be one, even as We are One.”

Romeo and Juliet spoke in tongues

Gah… I hate dating. I just want a normal, healthy marriage. Is that really so much to ask?

Long story short: Romeo and Juliet spoke in tongues. Really!! It’s the tale of 2 star-crossed lovers, one is Assemblies of God, one is UPCI, both terribly in love with each other, yet held apart by differences in doctrine. Yet they are both Pentecostal… are they really so different? How will it end?

One can only hope it doesn’t end in the tragic melancholia of Shakespeare. (relax… it’s just a metaphor).

True Patriots

As many of you know, I do not consider myself a neo-conservative (i.e., using big government and big money to promote “conservative” values – that’s my definition of it, at least, but I think it is fairly accurate). Whatever happened to small government? To personal responsibility? What happened to the idea that the government provided society’s physical infrastructure and military, while the church and individual families were the ones that provided for physical needs, morality, culture, and even education? Aren’t these the cornerstones of a self-governing people? These points are lost on politicians today, and even the “conservative” media. It is not the government’s job to promote morality – not in this country or any other.

Barack Obama has recently disputed (arguably false) allegations that he is, in fact, a Muslim. Mr. Obama’s own words, however, show that his influences are actually an interesting potpourri of religious philosophies. Even if his gradual “conversion” to Christianity 16 years ago is genuine, he prides himself in his diverse religious exposure that his mother provided, and the fact that “[he] was made to understand that such religious samplings required no sustained commitment on my part.” Obama, and politicians in general, are masters at being “everything to everybody”, just for the sake of winning votes.

I am afraid that America, in depending on the government and (even more so) the entertainment and news media (are the two really that different?) to define who we are, we have lost our cultural identity. Further said, just because it might feel good to think that every religion and every philosophy is correct and are just alternate roads to truth, the fact of the matter is this is not true. Even from a purely secular standpoint, it is fairly obvious that man is capable of both great good and great evil, and it is foolish to think that every imagination of man is just another path to God.

Sadly, the doctrine of political correctness is destroying the right to free speech. Ironically, this is being done in the name of free speech, and it is being done by both Republicans and Democrats. Politicians primarily, and individual citizens secondarily, are afraid to stand for what they believe in. Politicians are afraid they’ll lose votes. Citizens are afraid they’ll lose respect. Eventually, both groups will lose their rights for stating what they truly believe.

If there is a God, why are we afraid of declaring our faith in Him? Why do we feel the need to pander to every philosophy? Perhaps we, as a nation, have lost that faith? Perhaps we have misplaced it? Liberals put their faith in institutions to bring about justice. Republicans put their faith in men to enforce their view of morality.

True patriots put their faith in the God that granted us our liberty, and are not ashamed of it.

We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other.

- John Adams

Loitering in the Intersection

People talk about coming to crossroads in their life.  How often do most people hit these crossroads?  Lately I’ve been hitting more than a few – or perhaps I’ve just been loitering in the same intersection too long.  Maybe I’m lucky I haven’t gotten run over yet.

So my latest question (for myself or anyone who cares to try and help answer, seriously): how do you distinguish between legitimate doubt and irrational fear?  And if it’s fear, how do you identify what exactly it is that you fear?

Do I fear moving forward?  I’ve been told that I seem to sabotage things when they start going well.

Do I fear going backwards?  How long is too long to stay in the same spot?  Did I run a red light back there?

Which way should I go?  Or maybe I’m supposed to take another road altogether?  But does that even go anywhere?

So I’m trying to do what men are so averse to do: I’m stopping for directions.  But I need to get out of the road; people are trying to get through and are starting to honk at me.  Dear God, where’s a gas station when you need one?

great moments in backhanded compliments

This past Saturday Cheri and I were both feeling productive, and she helped me get my huge artificial Christmas tree out of the attic and put it together.  Surprisingly, there was no great frustration putting the tree together or getting to stand up straight (although it’s just a *tad* crooked).

While we were setting it up, my boys were watching SpongeBob.  It was the episode where SpongeBob failed his driving test (again) and was complaining to Patrick about how hard it was.  The Patrick (the “dumb” one) took the test and passed it on the first try.  He then went on to just flippantly tell SpongeBob how easy it was, and how anyone could pass it.

I said to Cheri, “You know, Patrick plays dumb, but really he’s a hyper-intelligent jackass.”

Cheri said, “Kinda like you.”

firehoses and emotions

Sometimes I wonder if I am entirely unique.  Yes, I know that “we’re all special in our own way”, but I really think I’m just a freak.  I sometimes ask whoever I’m talking to at the moment, “So, what are you thinking about?”, and 9 times out of 10 the answer is, “nothing”.

“No, really, what are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

How can anyone be thinking about “nothing”?  And this is not anyone in particular that I’m talking about.  That seems to be the case with most people that I talk to.  I don’t understand that.  My mind is constantly racing, and not necessarily in paranoid OCD kinda way (well, it’s not limited to that, I should say…).  If you ask me what I’m thinking about, you will likely hear about a whole slew of things, and the way I put them together as they fly off my tongue may or may not make sense to the average person.  If you ask me what’s really on my mind and ask me to expound upon it, you’ll get more than stream of consciousness; it’s more of a firehose.

Forgive me if I sound arrogant for saying as much.  If I sound that way, it’s only because I genuinely think I’m different in some weird way.  Whether that’s a good thing or bad thing is up to each person that meets me, I suppose.

And I suppose that this next point is somehow related to that: I am an extremely emotional person.  And yes, I realize that that fact is a turn-off to many people.  But I don’t mean “emotional” as in crying all the time and not able to handle life.  I’ve been through some stuff and I’ve handled it very well, and I challenge anyone that knows me to dispute that fact (I didn’t win custody and my house by being weak).  I mean that I experience emotions, both positive and negative and everything in-between, very deeply.  Life experiences, especially in the past 4 years, have definitely changed me.  But fundamentally I am still a very passionate person.

I’ve been told that some people actually set aside their emotions during certain events so they can better deal with whatever it is that they’re dealing with: be it work, some crisis, etc.  I personally have a very difficult time doing that.  There are moments, such as when my oldest son busted his head open and then when I had to hold him down to get stitches, where I can shut them off.  But on a continual basis?  I’m not wired that way.

When I was younger, this was a handicap for me.  My Mom had taken me to a counselor, and he told me I was hyper-sensitive (or some such adjective), and that we could work on desensitizing certain aspects of my personality.  I resisted that, and shortly afterwards asked my Mom for a reprieve from the sessions, which was granted.  It’s the same reason I didn’t stay on the anti-depressants, either: that stuff makes you numb to the world.

What I have learned over these past few years is how to leverage my emotions instead of letting them rule me, or worse, repressing them.  If I am happy, I use that as a springboard of sorts to catapult my creativity.  If I am feeling morose, I use that help me shut out the distractions around me and focus on the task at hand.  Somehow my emotions make me feel alive, very aware of myself and those around me.  It lets me sense the atmosphere I’m in.

The one thing that divorce taught me was how to be alone.  If you’ve been there, you understand what I mean.  I learned about myself, my likes, my dislikes, my desires, my fears.  And I learned how to overcome those personal demons that we too often look to others to handle for us.  God has indeed done a marvelous work in me, and for that I am grateful.

Which brings me back to what I was going to say at the top of this post: is there anyone else that understands this?  Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way?  Heck, maybe we’ve known each other for ages but we just haven’t opened up to this level with each other yet.  I ache for this kind of fellowship, where I can be myself without reserve.

So I’m sending out an SOS… anyone out there?

Giuliani for President?

I typically don’t write about politics, primarily because I have come to the sad conclusion that our government, at least on a federal level, is wholely corrupt.  Our hope is not in men (regardless of their office), but in Christ, the King of kings and Lord of lords.  But it is because of that fact that I am writing this entry.

I was raised Southern Baptist.  I currently consider myself a fundamentalist Pentecostal, and I am not ashamed of the labels “evangelical” or “fundamentalist”.  I was raised Republican, and still consider myself a Republican, at least in what I consider the “old school” sense.  I am all for voting according to my values, and am for keeping “In God We Trust” on every government building paid for with my tax dollars.  Call me “bigoted” or “spiteful” if you’d like; if you can look above the spin of modern media you would realize that this is not the case, even if you happen to disagree with my viewpoint.

The problem is not that evangelicals have too much influence in politics.  If there are so many of us, shouldn’t our voices be represented in this great republic?

The problem is that we, as evangelicals and fundamentalists, have allowed the leaven of politics to poison our message.  We have taken the bones that the politicians have thrown us, and then aligned ourselves with them in the misguided hope that they would empower our message.  The Word of God is our guide, not the word of the Republican Party, the Libertarian Party, or the Democratic Party.  The Light that we have should not be placed under a bushel.  By supporting candidates that would work against what we hold so dear, we are placing more trust in politics than God.

purgatory

I didn’t believe in Purgatory until this week. Let me paraphrase the conversation. Use your imagination to increase the intensity of vocal and emotional inflection at each line break:

“I need to let you know that I love you, and I’m not mad, but what you said last weekend hurt me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“I didn’t want to upset you.”
“I don’t want to be with someone who is afraid to talk to me.”
“You’re right, my bad. I will do better. But I’m saying it now, you hurt me.”
“So you’re upset at me telling you how I feel?”
“…”
“If you’re afraid to talk to me, then don’t say anything at all.”
“You’re proving my point.”
“I don’t wanna talk about this now.”
“First you’re mad for me not talking, now you’re mad that I am.”
“I don’t want to talk about it now. I have to go.”
“Can we talk about it Thursday night then?”
“I’d rather talk in person.”
“Are you coming over then?”
“No.”
“I can come out to you. Can we meet after you get off work?”
“No.”

And that would be that, but she will call again later today and apologize, and I will accept it and gravel myself.

So what did I do? I had flowers delivered to her work this afternoon. She thanked me in a text msg.

At least it makes for interesting reading. I have enough material for several good throw-away novels.

some thoughts on Truth

I am currently going through a bit of a personal renaissance. Well, to be fair, it’s not exactly a recent phenomenon for me. It first started several years ago prior during a brief stint of unemployment, but then a new job and a bitter divorce pushed that aside for a while. As anyone who has gone through a less-than-friendly separation, especially when kids are involved, can tell you, it can take some time for the waves from the storm to die down and for you to get your head screwed back on straight. But I’m back…

In any case, aside from my online gaming addiction (no, not gambling), I have this intense hunger to learn and read and do more now. And, as life permits, I am doing just that. Of course the Word and God’s Spirit quickening me is how I define myself and that directs my focus. But at the same time, my intellectual curiosities lead me to explore a million different paths, a million different ideas, a million different worlds.

That is definitely not to say that I am in the least bit swayed in my faith because of it. Just because I read the Enuma Elish does not mean that I am going to suddenly begin worshipping Ea. Furthermore, I am not afraid of or discouraged by the fact that some scholars find parallels between the Babylonian creation story and the Creation story found in Genesis. Is it possible that both accounts share a common root? Does that suggestion, as some fellow fundamentalists fret over, cast a shadow of doubt over the Inspired nature of the Genesis Creation account? What if (and I know that this is a crazy thought) the Genesis account is true? (I’m not getting into the whole literal six days versus day-age; that’s for another day.) Is it possible that tales of God’s Creation of man had indeed been passed down verbally throughout the generations, and that Mount Sinai was the start of God setting the record straight? Yeah, I could go on for a while on that thought…

So why is it that people are so afraid to expand their minds? I recently purchased an English translation of the Bhagavad Gita. So someone might not have a problem with my reading the Enuma Elish, because everyone knows now that Ea and Tiamat and Apsu are not real. But there are plenty who believe that Brahma and Vishnu and Shiva are real, so by reading that I might be deceived, or so the reasoning goes, and so I’ve been cautioned.

What’s more – and forgive me for it, friends – I also enjoy reading fiction, including science fiction and ::gasp:: fantasy. After my current batch of contraband, I intend on reading some of the classic fictional works (Christian and secular) and philosophy. I’ve also got some modern historical works on the early church in the bullpen. Can someone please tell me where indulging in things that expand our understanding, our ability to reason, and fire our God given imagination are forbidden in Scripture?

As followers and disciples of Christ, we have His Spirit that bears witness that Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. As believers, we believe that He is the Word made flesh, the absolute Truth, the Beginning and the End. Likewise, we are called to be in the world, but not of it. We are called to study to show ourselves approved. We are called to be all things to all men so that by all means we might save some. Can we really accomplish that if we stick our heads in the sand and censor everything that does not align itself with our dogma? Do we really believe in Christ and His Scriptures, or do we only believe because it’s all we’ve been taught, or even because we refuse to consider the world around us? Have we caught only the slightest glimpse of His Glory, and then said “it is enough” and blinded ourselves from that point forward? If someone would come up to your average church-going Southern Baptist and challenge them about Babylonian and Egyptian influences in Judaism, or about supposed pagan origins for the doctrine of the Virgin Birth, Resurrection, and Trinity, how would they answer?

The Truth has nothing to hide.