some thoughts on Truth

I am currently going through a bit of a personal renaissance. Well, to be fair, it’s not exactly a recent phenomenon for me. It first started several years ago prior during a brief stint of unemployment, but then a new job and a bitter divorce pushed that aside for a while. As anyone who has gone through a less-than-friendly separation, especially when kids are involved, can tell you, it can take some time for the waves from the storm to die down and for you to get your head screwed back on straight. But I’m back…

In any case, aside from my online gaming addiction (no, not gambling), I have this intense hunger to learn and read and do more now. And, as life permits, I am doing just that. Of course the Word and God’s Spirit quickening me is how I define myself and that directs my focus. But at the same time, my intellectual curiosities lead me to explore a million different paths, a million different ideas, a million different worlds.

That is definitely not to say that I am in the least bit swayed in my faith because of it. Just because I read the Enuma Elish does not mean that I am going to suddenly begin worshipping Ea. Furthermore, I am not afraid of or discouraged by the fact that some scholars find parallels between the Babylonian creation story and the Creation story found in Genesis. Is it possible that both accounts share a common root? Does that suggestion, as some fellow fundamentalists fret over, cast a shadow of doubt over the Inspired nature of the Genesis Creation account? What if (and I know that this is a crazy thought) the Genesis account is true? (I’m not getting into the whole literal six days versus day-age; that’s for another day.) Is it possible that tales of God’s Creation of man had indeed been passed down verbally throughout the generations, and that Mount Sinai was the start of God setting the record straight? Yeah, I could go on for a while on that thought…

So why is it that people are so afraid to expand their minds? I recently purchased an English translation of the Bhagavad Gita. So someone might not have a problem with my reading the Enuma Elish, because everyone knows now that Ea and Tiamat and Apsu are not real. But there are plenty who believe that Brahma and Vishnu and Shiva are real, so by reading that I might be deceived, or so the reasoning goes, and so I’ve been cautioned.

What’s more – and forgive me for it, friends – I also enjoy reading fiction, including science fiction and ::gasp:: fantasy. After my current batch of contraband, I intend on reading some of the classic fictional works (Christian and secular) and philosophy. I’ve also got some modern historical works on the early church in the bullpen. Can someone please tell me where indulging in things that expand our understanding, our ability to reason, and fire our God given imagination are forbidden in Scripture?

As followers and disciples of Christ, we have His Spirit that bears witness that Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. As believers, we believe that He is the Word made flesh, the absolute Truth, the Beginning and the End. Likewise, we are called to be in the world, but not of it. We are called to study to show ourselves approved. We are called to be all things to all men so that by all means we might save some. Can we really accomplish that if we stick our heads in the sand and censor everything that does not align itself with our dogma? Do we really believe in Christ and His Scriptures, or do we only believe because it’s all we’ve been taught, or even because we refuse to consider the world around us? Have we caught only the slightest glimpse of His Glory, and then said “it is enough” and blinded ourselves from that point forward? If someone would come up to your average church-going Southern Baptist and challenge them about Babylonian and Egyptian influences in Judaism, or about supposed pagan origins for the doctrine of the Virgin Birth, Resurrection, and Trinity, how would they answer?

The Truth has nothing to hide.

God’s wooing

One thing that I finally figured out with this whole dating thing is you cannot chase hard after a lady. It seems that the more you chase, the more they pull away. The secret in capturing someone’s affection is simply to *be*… to be the best that God made you to be, to remain confident in your abilities, and to live your single life completely whole. If you can do that, then when you show interest, without being overwhelming, the other person is drawn in.

People ask all the time why God doesn’t “just do it”, whatever that “it” is at the moment. They figure that God is all powerful, all knowing, so why can’t He just take care of it for us or just show Himself to us plainly? Well, God already showed us His Love by sending His Son. So we know that He loves us, and that He cares for us. But why, so often, does He simply remind us to look to His Son to find the way back to His Will?

God is the great I AM. He is all we need. God can and does work supernaturally in very tangible ways at times of His choosing. But often He only waits for us, He calls to us, He woos us with His love. He has shown His interest in us, and then He continues being who He is. It is because of that that we are drawn into relationship with Him.

Be still and know He is God

There’s a song by Tree63 called “Now My Eyes Are Open” that starts off:

You opened up my ears to hear
The imperfections of my heroes
And those I held up to the sun
Are cracked and broken, every one
They spoke words of fire
They held my desire
But just because they look like You
Doesn’t mean they honour You…

I have been shown time and time again how we are not put our trust, our hope, in other people. I don’t even mean that in a pessimistic sort of way; God designed us to need and desire friendships. But to base our happiness, our hope, our joy, on the actions of another human, or even – especially – ourselves, is foolishness, and it is a mistake that I have made too many times. I have trusted people with my emotions, and every time I have been disappointed in some way. I have trusted myself to respond appropriately to those hurts, and again, I have very frequently disappointed myself. So quickly human relationships can disintegrate into back biting, revenge, and lies, even within the Church. We are not to base our image of God on any man or woman, no matter how godly they might seem.

So after time and time of being hurt, I ask God what His Will is. Will you show me, God? Will You give me a sign? A prompting in my spirit? A Word spoken in season by your messenger? And all of these things He has done for me in times past, but He does not seem to be doing that now. He has told me that He will show me His Will, so I keep hounding Him like a 4 year old hounds his parents when he wants something from them when they’ve told him to just wait. His response to me has been to wait, let Him make my paths straight, and He will show me His salvation. It is not exactly the silence of God, because He simply told me to wait, and to walk the path He has set before me.

Pastor gave a message today about how even though we may have moved past certain hurts or failures in our past, too often we don’t move beyond them. The reason we don’t always see where we are going is because we are always looking in the rear view mirror. We can only see the road in front of us if we’re looking in front of us. As Pastor said, isn’t God bigger than our past, than the wounds we’ve received, than the mistakes we’ve made?

In the end, He has simply reminded me of Psalm 46:10. “Be still, and know that I am God.”

how to know you have a good woman

This is just a short list of a few ways you can tell you have a good woman.

• She brings you coffee every morning before your eyes are fully open.
• She makes the bed after you run off to work, and leaves a note hidden on the pillow for you to find that night.
• She never gets tired of scratching your head.
• She knows exactly where you’ve left your keys/glasses/wallet, etc.
• She listens to you ramble about work or other stupid stuff even when she might have no clue what you’re talking about.
• She believes in you even when you feel like no one else does.
• When you break her heart her only response is “I love you.”

This list is by no means exhaustive, but I have to head off for work. More will be coming soon.

Thank you, Cheri, for your love.

the disappearing man

Okay, after all the rather intense blog entries lately (intense for me, anyways), I decided to write about a rather emotionally inert topic: Weight Watchers.

I finally bought some size 34 jeans and khakis. I haven’t been in that size since my sophomore year in high school. Since August 7 (at size 40), and as of my last weigh-in on Monday, I’ve lost 35.8 pounds. And that’s off my post-divorce weight; if you consider my weight from then, I’m down almost 55 pounds. I definitely like the attention it brings, too.

But with that said, I can’t write a blog entry without making at least *some* bigger observation. Why is it that when someone looks better we treat them better? And I’m not just talking about just with flirting or romantically. Even friends seem to treat you with more respect when you’re in shape. Am I any more of a person now than I was when I was overweight? (I guess really I’m less of a person now… sorry, couldn’t pass that one up). It’s strange to see how some people I know wouldn’t give me the time of day before, but now they act very friendly towards me. I’m still trying to figure out how I should respond. Is it really that engrained in our physical and psychological makeup to act this way towards others, or is it just another example of hypocrisy in modern culture?

In any case, I like looking good…

smart people being stupid

Okay, maybe I’m just going through the same cycle of emotions that I always go through when crazy stuff happens to me. But right now I’m angry. What is wrong with people that cause them to use other people? Why did God allow us to be born as such selfish, self-absorbed creatures? How is it that people can act on whims without any thought to the consequences that it might have on other people, or even on themselves? Are we so blind? How can seemingly intelligent people become so stupid? And why is it (and this is an existential question) that such momentary acts can have such huge implications? It’s like the punishment far outweighs the crime, and that it’s that way by design. Like we were meant to fall into these traps. And no law is necessary to enforce this punishment; it just is…

Days of Our Lives has nothing on me.

waiting on God

This entry will be short, because I’m hungry and my food is waiting in the microwave.

Is God teasing me? Is He mocking me? I feel like every time I get close to finally, finally, seeing His promises to me come to pass, He snatches it away at the last moment. What the heck is there left for me to learn? What more are You teaching me, God? How long do I have to wait before You plant me as a tree by living waters, as Your Word promises? I can see that You are bringing all this to a head in my life, yet here I am, still empty-handed, without the actual promise, without the actual fruit. Why, God?

But what else is there for me to do? Where else can I go? You are the Rock of my Salvation, so still I wait.

just a poem I wrote years ago

yeah, years ago… but it’s worth posting, I suppose.  If you feel like this, know that there is hope in Christ both now and on the other side of the pain. 

Inside
Sometimes I want to scream,
but I can’t for the sake of image.
Thoughts wander, anger boils -
up from my chest it comes to my lips.
They close, so it reverberates
through my body,
in my blood;
Pressure against thick skin
Trapped.
So I cry when
no one is watching.

book for single Dads

This is my next purchase. 

http://www.amazon.com/Single-Dads-Survival-Guide-Parenting/dp/1578566703/sr=8-1/qid=1164129286/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-4308273-5924103?ie=UTF8&s=books

the dam is about to burst

Sometimes I feel like I have so much inside that I’m ready to come bursting out, but either I can’t find the words, or, more often, I don’t have the platform to release what God has poured into me.  That is what I am really excited about, actually: I know that God is not pouring this into me and laying out such a firm foundation for me and my life for no reason.

My dilemma, though, is whether or not I run forward now, or wait for more obvious doors to open.  In my own life, I know that I have been yielding to Him and obeying Him as best I know how, but I know that I have so far to go.  But doesn’t everyone, right?  God has brought me through so much, and the few people I have been able to share with have been encouraged in their Faith.  But I know that I myself am very inadequate as an example to others, and I would not want my own corrupted psyche to lead others astray.  I want everything that flows from me to be of The Spirit.  This is my prayer, and the thing for which I seek Wisdom.

I mean, I just want to stand up and preach sometimes.  Like tonight, actually.  For now (and always), my boys listen to me.  I want to influence my children first and mostly.  But I also know that God wants me to bear fruit even outside of my children.  So here I am; send me.  Just please make me ready, Lord.