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Archive for October, 2006

Sometimes I feel like I have so much inside that I’m ready to come bursting out, but either I can’t find the words, or, more often, I don’t have the platform to release what God has poured into me.  That is what I am really excited about, actually: I know that God is not pouring this into me and laying out such a firm foundation for me and my life for no reason.

My dilemma, though, is whether or not I run forward now, or wait for more obvious doors to open.  In my own life, I know that I have been yielding to Him and obeying Him as best I know how, but I know that I have so far to go.  But doesn’t everyone, right?  God has brought me through so much, and the few people I have been able to share with have been encouraged in their Faith.  But I know that I myself am very inadequate as an example to others, and I would not want my own corrupted psyche to lead others astray.  I want everything that flows from me to be of The Spirit.  This is my prayer, and the thing for which I seek Wisdom.

I mean, I just want to stand up and preach sometimes.  Like tonight, actually.  For now (and always), my boys listen to me.  I want to influence my children first and mostly.  But I also know that God wants me to bear fruit even outside of my children.  So here I am; send me.  Just please make me ready, Lord.

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